Of Zen, Muses, Hahn, & Mondays

Here at last, in the evening do I once again find myself writing and pondering.  Coming back to the center of myself, and taking a step of action to fulfill my commitment to writing something of meaning and value every single day this year.  I made that choice, and I stick to it as firmly as shavings to glue.  

I remember vividly how surreal the beating of my fiancés heart was last night as I lay next to her in silence, pondering upon the words and ideas we had swapped back and forth for about an hour.  The love that a twin flame carries and ignites is nothing phenomenally short of a miracle and of divine nature.  But back to the heart beating.  That level of intimacy really broken down and examined is thrilling.  To truly be present, mindful and listen.  To be there.  That is so essential to Zen Buddhism.  That’s why I have a deep love and respect for Zen.  To still oneself that much.  To be that quieted.  To feel the rhythm of anthers heart.  Of one that is outside of myself.  And to imagine and realize that it beats for me.  That the love it has inside wants and desires me.   This is incredibly humbling.  It only makes me want to be my absolute best for this woman.  

The ancient writers were accurate in saying that a mans greatest muse is his woman.  And one that loves him, is this not the greatest gift of all? One could have every car, every house, every vacation.   But without a dedicated loving partner in which to share it with, much- if not all, the meaning is simply lost.  

This year is already a trip in so many ways.  Watching one event after the other.  My twin flames name is Miquela, but I will refer to her as Miq or Cherokee Battle Angel (CBA) for short.  Anyway, my CBA had, on the 2nd day of this year, been in a very minor car accident, that left her car with a small amount of damage to the front end, and the headlight completely wiped out.  We could have seen this as tragic, yet we did not.  We knew that something better and greater was off the radar.  Our faith in the unseen and the divine pulled us through.  I would also attribute this how we have been training our subconscious to see the solutions in the problems, and, in essence, expect miracles everywhere we go.  As Dr Leaf discusses, what we expect is already reality.  

On a funnier note, I have rarely spent any time on any Apple computers or Macbooks, and thusly I struggle with finding all the key stroke short cuts that accompany both Windows from Microsoft and the Chromebook by Google.  I sit both annoyed and humored at my minor seeming incompetence.  As I am quite behind on the spectors of new technology, what is the best laptop brand for writers and blogger/authors such as myself? I greatly desire anybody’s input on this , so please leave for me a comment or two!

Most Mondays for myself are not usually too bad.  For the latter half of 2018 I tended to take Monday off, in order to avoid it.  I would put in 6 day weeks, and then just drop catering shifts on Mondays.  It seemed a small price to pay, to avoid traffic and really nasty bus routes.  But this week, I felt the energy from the new moon very deeply , and along with how both CBA and I’s love grew, much was felt even deeper.  I wish my words and writing had a better coherent flow, however, the pain in my feet is very deep, and I don’t wish to suffer anymore with their regard.  I must continually bring myself back to the present moment, and recognize my suffering as Thich Naht Hahn writes.  I will say, this man’s writing is nothing short of humbling, and extraordinarily eye and heart opening.  Just finishing two of his book has blessed me in unfathomable ways.  I have so much more to write, and will write for the rest of the year, but rest, recovery, and an epsom salt bath call to me ever so gently. I just now realize at this hour that I have missed the best time to post a live video to Instagram. That is ok, progression is better than perfection and I may still have a few moments with which to flood the digital lands with wisdoms gleaned from other mentors, authors and speakers. With this I bid thee Adieu and blessing. 

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Of Luxuries, Walking the Talk, Change, Loss, & Mastery

  • “You can’t be living always in the promise of the clouds; it must rain now. Leave the talking and live by walking… It will yield an indelible impact!”

    Israelmore Ayivor

    I diligently scan over the horizon of a new evening in which to relax, enjoy some black pekoe tea, and all the littlest luxuries most of us westerners take for granted. A rug. A couch. A dog. Of which I have none of these, actually – in my own apartment in Seattle. But I do not feel lack. I wish to furthermore train my mind to see solution and abundance everywhere I tread, and upon every thing I lay mine eyes upon.

    This is a calendar year in which I have the immense privilege to truly turn around, and begin walking the walk I have talked about far, far too long. Much has changed. I no longer wake up on some dusty stranger or friends couch. I no longer wake up nearly in tired tears in a car. I wake up in a bed. And oh, how much more grateful a struggle will make a man, truly.

    You probably ask yourself in what manner I may be walking the aforementioned talk. Well, for starters, I have managed to complete one audio book, and start 3 others. And finish reading yet another. This is more than 75% of Americans will accomplish this year, despite the millions and millions of unresolved resolutions that were so comically cast upon the ether of idealism.

    Change does not happen overnight. What creates that overnight change, is a myriad of overnights upon overnights of sweat, occasional blood, and some tears. These so called “resolutions” are merely a chancy whisper at fate, or God, to bring the weak mind to feel better about its given lot, and to fit in with the masses. What a gross joke. You are all better than that. Have goals. Have dreams. Have visions. See in your minds eye what can be. Accept what is, and then go CREATE what can be. Infinite possiblity is swirling all around you. The impossible is only impossible if you believe it thusly so.

    Even as I put these words to page, I feel a rising almost soaring energy in my body to continue writing, and to keep pressing on with vigor; for what lays in my heart, and what fires in my brain keeps me awake at night and must be let out. Like a lion, hungry for his satiation, so too my body and mind must become one, and release all the ideas, metaphors, similes and knowledge that bursts forth from my inner being. There is not but a moment to lose, for life is short. It’s brevity is but a solemn and wonderful reminder that yes, you are here, and you are breathing the breathe that the Divine above and below have given you. Do. Not. Waste. It.

    I implore you all.

    I wish I could find a better word for lost, and I think I have found it. An uncle of mine, withdrew from this life and plane a few months back, in the linear equation we call time, of 2018. I had the chance to read most of his obituary. I was both shocked and impressed. He had lived a fine life, and had filled it with adventure, milestones, and great impact. He had found his meaningful work, and mastered himself and his crafts. Any man ought to be proud of one who has called unto himself mastery and adventure. Without these two elements, much would be lost.

    Robert Greene talks heavily about Mastery in one of his many books. And this is actually one reason why I write as much and as often as I do. I wish to master this art and skill. Even this science if you will.

    I would stay up late into the night and continue to write until my fingers went numb. However, I must rise again, and go create more income through my contract labor. My woman calls and so I must lay my head upon the pillow.

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Of commitment, resistance,

January 5th 2019

Commitments are scary. To most, even a bit terrifying.

I’ve now committed that day in and day out, I will post one solid piece of content on Instagram every day of this year.
Even if my phone is dead, I must recoup.
The habit is what holds the power.
As I sit, and count my blessings yet again….
My mind wanders.
“you’ve got a business to start. Go text your woman. Write that letter to the editor. Get to cooking. Finish 100 books this year. Focus on only what you want.”

But isn’t that in and of itself, escapism?

Why have I not allowed myself the simplest pleasure of sitting down, being with myself, and attending well to my own thoughts?
Perhaps it is this.
I have been struck by the largest thing;
Idea, muse, spirit, what have you.
The point is, I’ve been running from my own power, my own potential, and letting “Resistance” block my path, and guard me from my own realization, responsibility and success.
No more.

I’ve come ever so far. From the days I lived out of a Ford Taurus, to where I now sit, in the drizzly, densely populated city of Seattle.
But from the magic in that achievement, that manifestation is gone. It is so sublty vanished.
The many voices I heard over the years, telling to me – you have so much potential.

I always asked, “for what.”
It was never, “why did you not tell me more about this?”

I’ve finally, after many years, seen the work. The meaningful things I get the privilege to bring to the community. And it’s very exciting.
But also, a bit terrifying and nerve wracking.
Who am I really? To go do these noble actions?
Who am I not to do this?
I see the duty I owe.
I have forced myself, of my own accord, in accordance with my environment, to be boxed up and left on a shelf.

2019 is a year of reckoning and reconciling. To see beyond my own masks, and to truly grasp ahold of a journey, to embark upon the ship that will sail the widest of seas.

Another moment I cannot waste. Another breath I cannot be mindful of. The persons of the earth are waiting for me to burst free of my mental, emotional,and financial cages. In order that I may best serve them, lead them, and bring them to the Promised Land.

What, ask you, is the Promised Land? Is it, in a most literal sense flowing with milk and honey? Or, is it something metaphoric, hyperbolic that calls to you as you absorb the energy from my written word?

The Promised Land, I perceive, is the place you create for yourself, with the cards you are dealt in this lifetime, that is the highest and most service oriented expression of yourself.

That’s all. You can turn the lights off, put the chalk down and drop the mitts.

Each day, I must take the vow to myself to produce, from my own heart and soul, no less than 500 words that will both allow me my ultimate freedom of expression, writing. And, for you, a glimpse at my growth, my mind, and how I am ever evolving changing, growing, and becoming the most potent expression of myself.
As I write this, I do not worry. Worry is of the utmost lowest and most worthless vibration to ever be pondered upon. Nay, I ask you all to immediately cut out worry from your life like you would cut out venom from a snake or animal bite. It is, and will forever remain useless to mankind in his present and future form. In the eternal words of Marley, “don’t worry, be happy now.” Place yourself in a state of happiness now. What is available to one is indeed available to all.

Perhaps something of this will turn out to be a book. Or an essay. Or something that is worth its digital weight in gold. I will not hesitate. I do not labor upon the page for an end result. No, I find the meaning in and through this work. The writing, the scribbling, the note taking, the jotting of parcels of ideas and thought forms produced by the ATP in my brain. It is both a merciless pleasure and a graceful pain. One may look upon this work and consider me talented or gifted. Damn right you are. I will never again squander my talent from heaven above or hell below. Wherever this gift or treasure hath come from, I will return it to its rightful place. The earth. My readers, to whom it rightfully belongs. It must emanate from me like water from a spring. My nature is to write. An write shall I.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will the skills, the book, the journal or this blog. But brick by brick, a foundation and wall is being set.

Now that I take a second to ponder what has been written today, I see a subtle but also blatant realization.
The devil is in the distractions. Not to dismiss him/her in the details, as he or she lurks there as well. But in all awful truth, as Pressfield constantly hammers home: Distraction is simply death to the creative.

To me, writing is like breathing. If it isn’t done daily, I will suffocate, and die. Perhaps a harsh truth. But as the great philosophers of olden days have expressed, the truth need not be repeated twice.

Don’t get all excited, please. I am not writing for anyone but myself. These are lessons, ideas and thoughts that need to get out and be expressed. This is the fastest way in which for me to process the universe at large, through my hands and through writing and creating a visual process of thought. And I will not stop until I my eyes have closed for the last day of this incarnation. Now that I sit at 999 words, I think it wise I feed my body some nourishing morsels.
As of this writing, I weigh less than 9.9 stones. According to a gym manager that checked my body fat levels, I sit undeniably below 7% body fat. Another goal and task lay before me. To gain weight, but in a healthy manner. For my joints ache, and my muscles sustain damage and yet do not recover as hastily as they are able.
I have much to write, and shall continue this unconventional conversation soon. Now, I eat.

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Farewell 2018, Hello to 2019!

Mused at Panera Bread, Capitol Hill, Seattle, WA – USA

Saturday December 29th 2018

We are mere days away from ushering in and welcoming in the new year: 2019.  

Personally, I am quite floored by what all has happened.  And so grateful for the events that did happen. As my fiance’ keeps saying, 2018 was quite a “dynamic” year.  

First, lets run through a really minimalistic outline of what 2018 was, physically & geographically speaking..  

Chronologically, this will aid in painting for  you a clearer picture of what was going on, and how it directly affected my own personal evolution and growth.

January: Omaha, NE  & Denver, CO

February: Denver, CO

March: Denver CO

April: Denver, CO

May: Denver, CO & Tacoma, WA

June: Roy, WA

July: Roy, WA

August: Gig Harbor, WA

September: Gig Harbor, WA & Seattle WA

October: Seattle, WA

November: Seattle, WA

December: Seattle, WA

I actually started 2018 in Omaha with a friend I had met on Facebook.  We parted on not the best of terms. It was, looking back, my own insecurities and shadows being projected onto her.  This was who I call Boomer, a deeply spiritual and intuitive soul that really triggered a lot of growth in my own life.  One of the main issues with January of 2018 was that the path was very unclear and I really lacked purpose and direction.  Regardless, I felt that much could be accomplished, I simply did not understand how, or at what capacity.

The last day of January, I booked a one way train ticket to Denver.  Quite fateful I’d admit that was. One of the major factors that played into that, was A) it was closer to where I had grown up, and B) I had a few facebook friends that encouraged me to come on over, and stay with them for extremely cheap while I bounced back up onto my feet.

Little did I know, Denver was damn cold.  Always bouncing between freezing and 70 degree days. Moved in with a friend of a friend, made many many attempts to be friendly and accommodating, but for some reason, Adrian did not seem to want me around.  No matter how hard I tried to be nice. There again, trying is dying. It never works. That’s a huge lesson now ingrained in my heart and mind.

A few weeks later, managed to make friends with some of his friends, and moved in with Isaiah.  I will say, if you get a chance to read this, you my friend are a stellar person. You really care about people and I’m very proud of what you are accomplishing.  Your grace and generosity is not easily forgotten, so I daresay, when you next manage to make it to the Seattle area, you will be welcome with open arms.

Oh, and a bit of a backtrack, I did land a job selling phones in the north end of Westminster for a season.  It left me very broke, but the freedom I was experiencing was nearly priceless.

A few weeks after living at Isaiah’s place, I got a random phone call.  Upon answering it, I was stunned to learn that a nearly retired massage therapist had a room for rent, and it was right in my budget.  Miracles and manifestations really began to ramp up in February. I moved in there a few days later.. The one person I have to absolutely thank was Aaron, as he wired me some of the rent money up front, as I was still waiting for my first check from the phone sales job.  Even this week, he offered to help me further with my website. A true friend and man is he.

Through March and April I sold phones, walked hundreds of miles, learned how to fend for myself in a brand new city, and (little did I know) gain skills that would allow me some measure of success in getting on my feet in Seattle.  However, that was so far off the radar of my personal life. If I recall correctly, the longest walk in a day I took was over 26 miles. I was chronically running short of bus money almost every week. The massage therapist, Steve, would on occasion drive me to work or to the bank or bus stops.  Most of getting around Denver was busses though. And it was exhilarating. Another fun fact, I haven’t driven a motor vehicle in over a full calendar year. Which is both surprising and shocking to myself, considering I had been driving since I was 17, hundreds of miles per month.

As embarrassing as this is, the main reason I moved back to my parents place for a few months was because I was nearly broke.  Selling phones was horribly unlucrative, and managers were dropping like flies, left and right. The company was starting to fall, so I , in my (stupid young foolish) infinite wisdom, put in my two weeks and began a hurried scramble throughout Denver to snag a new job.  It didn’t work. As I recall, I was also building a media advertising agency, which literally never profited. I even had a client on the phone, and he simply never did close a ticket with my business partner Avery and I.

Biggest lessons are from failure, right?   Anyhow, I booked a one way flight back to Seattle.  I arrived mid May, spent a few days smoking a crap load of weed with some old warehouse friends, and finally stumbled home.  It really felt like that scene from the western Bible, where the prodigal son stumbles home broke and humiliated. I realize I missed a chunk of this story.  I had booked my flight to Omaha without anyone else’s knowledge except maybe 1 other person. I basically took two seperate flights to cover my tracks, and dumped my phone in a trash can in Detroit.  How’s that for classic immature James Bond?

Essentially, from the middle of May to the end of July was a whirlwind of emotions and accomplishments, albeit little.  I joined an on demand delivery company and worked with them. I took a day and an old Ranger friend to go get the phone, switched carriers, and got my first shift.  The thrill was unreal. I was becoming more and more self employed.. (Looking at my taxes, I will probably have a much bigger than anticipated tax return.) I did a lot of gig work for the next 60 days, followed by several weeks of hard labor and construction for my father’s company.  I was quite privileged to learn how to run several pieces of heavy equipment.

One morning in the first week of August, I received an out of the blue call from a friend I had made while working in the food service industry.  He had an almost unrefusable offer; free rent for a month at his parents home, in exchange for working at one of his dad’s pizza franchises that needed a LOT of help. I agreed, packed my bags up that same day, and left for his place.  

The next week I had basically become an expert pizza maker.  All the while, I was seeking new employment options, and pining for the day I could have my own place.  I had saved up a few thousand dollars, and felt confident, that- should the opportunity arise, I could make the move on my own again, to a new city.  I simply needed to land a new job.

Faith played a monumental part here.  It is absolutely phenomenal what happens when a person lets ego get out of the way, and trust the universe/god/  and the process. As my perceptions evolved, my intuition actually grew stronger and more seemingly accurate.

September 5th stands out in so many ways to me.  It’s the day I signed my first real lease for a place.  And coming from a year ago that time, being a full time employed yet homeless person, living out of their car, that moment, for me- was one of awe, gratitude, and invincibility.  Truly astounding was that day and moment.

As I know this compilation is growing long, I will do my best to wrap this up quickly.  

September through November was a full on whirlwind of catering jobs, food delivery gigs, warehousing gigs, late night pot smoking sessions with neighbors, hating and loving my work, and allowing myself to become excruciatingly distracted by many vices.  Alcohol, cigarettes, sex, and things. I was busy though. Too busy. Everyday was a 5 to 15 hour working shift. Which would then be followed by a substance to fall asleep. Habits were erratic. My sleep was erratic. My eating patterns went erratic. Some days I simply was too exhausted to shower at all.  

Actually, upon reflection, another soul that really touched me this year was Marshall. I met him online, and he invited me to a trip to Vancouver British Columbia for PRIDE festival.  That event triggered some major interpersonal and intrapersonal development and change for me. I was able to open up to the natural fluidity of sexual nature, and embrace the weird quirks about me without hesitation and much less judgement.  It was a grand ole time of drinking, eating, celebrating the unique spirit of humanity despite color, race or sexual orientation, alongside a touch of fun cultural immersion. Even as I write, the colors of the sky, the cobblestones of the many streets, the weaving to and fro in between crowds of thousands of people dressed in the most ridiculous and cutest of outfits. I don’t wish to bore you so I shall continue on.  Just know, there is a far greater depth in each of these events and memories that I could go on and on about for hours. Just know, that this is available to you, you simply need to ask! I would love to go into further detail about all of this.

And now for what I consider the grand finale and plot twist of 2018.  I met my twin flame. I literally met my TWIN FLAME!!!! Miquela entered my life on November 21, 2018.  Oh, and while we are on November, just take note: I was extremely “lit” during the last week of October all the way through the 2nd week of November. I had disillusioned myself into believing i was living in the flow.  Rather, as I look back in reflection, I was being a tad reckless and foolish.

Anyway, this twin flame thing.  I have spent the last 3 years in the ebb and flow of what I call my own awakening.  This occured, I believe, because I had started to become more aware of all my own garbage, and learning to love it.  Love like this is unheard of. And when it is, it’s usually tagged as crazy, ridiculous, or even “divine.” I for one, firmly believe this woman is a divine gift from the hand of the infinite divine.  We are closer after 5 weeks of talking, communicating, and loving each others flaws, than many lovers and best friends are after 5 years. I can simply stay grateful and allow myself to be renewed, refreshed.  These last few weeks have thrown me headlong into studying human consciousness, biology, neurology, religion, epigenetics, the subconscious mind, and varying topics of that sort. Even today, as of this writing, I spent less than ten dollars on 3 books from a thrift store that digs into the nitty gritty of the human genome, the concept of consilience, and how emotion, reason and the human brain tie together.    As Dr Dispenza talks about, knowledge is the precursor to experience. In my view, knowledge builds a better understanding of a particular language, and I firmly believe the more firm a grip one has on language or concepts within a language the deeper, and more fulfilling that experience or set of experiences can be.

Major lessons from and throughout 2018.

(1) Live every single day in a state of awareness with gratitude at the forefront.  Even biologically, Dr Lipton discusses how our biology is designed in such a way that with more gratitude, our lives can physically be prolonged.    Reading through many year end newsletters, one of the top sales coaches in the nation actually says this was one of his most important lessons as well.  It also signals to the universe at large that gratitude is a internal state of receiving while also literally being a state of giving – all at once. This will change your reality, not a doubt in my mind.  Wake up and give thanks for at least 5-7 things in your life, and tell me what starts to happen. If you seek blessings, blessings will start to seek you.

(2) Belief drives behavior.  Not in the sense of believing in God or gravity or what have you… But, rather the beliefs you hold about yourself and your surroundings, will almost fully shape your reality.  Lipton discusses this much more in depth in his books.

(3) Smile at everyone.  This truly raises not only your own frequency and vibrational pattern, but the pattern of the people around you.  I noticed how open, how nice, and how amenable people around me have become. Simply by opening the space around you with a smile, you allow the other people around you a reason to feel happy, and to radiate their own internal goodwill into the space you both either share or are about to commence sharing (such as a bus ride.)  Smiles are free to give, and you can receive so much in return.

(4) Dress as nicely as you can afford to.  People naturally lend respect to people who respect themselves.  I, for one, like nice brands, but often don’t see a reason to spend thousands of dollars on high end clothes.  So instead, I wear a variety of interesting jewelry, and really play around with vintage clothing and mesh it together to seamlessly create my own look, while keeping the maturity level of the look up to date.  

(5) We are quite literally energetic temples and templates of divinity.  What goes into us, in a computational sense, is outputted from us. Feed your body and mind healthy things, thoughts and ideas.  I personally either watch educational videos, podcasts, or books of my choosing. I increase my knowledge in order to further understanding of myself, my world, and the people around me that can add value to my own narrative, and I- add value to their narrative.

(6) Self care must become a part of your own daily meditation.  Taking poor care of yourself signals to the reality around you that since you don’t care much about yourself, you won’t care enough about other people to affect change.  

(7) Journal daily.  Have an outlet or output from that allows you to create mental space.  Whether you are a creative, or you spend more time in the corporate jungle, don’t forget.  You must be a full cup inside first before you can fully pour your own ideas and thoughts into your own passions, work, or arts.  

(8)  Forgive yourself daily.  Every day, the old version of you dies a little bit more.  Forgive the old version of you for tripping yourself up, for over indulging in things that aren’t healthy for your body or mind.  

(9)  Find a meditative practice, and practice it daily.  Sitting and chanting does not work for everyone as does sitting in complete silence.  Meditation works differently for every single person. This has been confirmed fully by science.  As the Buddhists teach, every moment of NOW, and every interaction is a chance to practice and be ‘mindfulness.’    I’d recommend 7 minutes and start from there. For 2019, I am setting up a schedule where I have what I call “unplugged” time.  I forget who taught me this concept, but I imagine its power is duly understated. Taking 7 minutes out of my day to get out of my own way, and unplug myself as completely as possible from my environment.  Even Jim Rohn is quoted hundreds of times daily for having said, “you are the average of the 5 people you associate closest with.” What he refers to, is that energetically, and biologically, you become like your environment.  From a brain science angle, I’ve learned that two brains in the same spatial area actually begin to interact with each other and the firing patterns begin to mirror or mimic each other. To know thyself is to know the truer nature of reality.  It can be hacked. Here’s how I know why:

(10) Miracles ARE real.  There is something almost unexplainable that makes life go round.  And tapping into that is what religious people call “faith,” in the unseen.  The quantum field of possibility, so on and so forth. Trust the process. Trust God.  Trust Allah. On and on and on. I have gotten jobs that I have human way to explain. I have been taken care of in such inexplicable ways.  I have been mysteriously guided to meet people and go to places that I otherwise would have never before. I trusted my intuition. Or as many people would say, the “still small voice.”  That to me, is the intuition. The inner voice, barely noticeable by most of us with minds and brains full of junk food, lacking water, sleep, love, gratitude, netflix and what have you. As I finish this newsletter about my own 2018, I hope a few things for you all.  That you would find the time, create the time as it were, to reflect, be grateful and count the enormous bucket of lessons that found their way into your own reality this year. 2018 truly brought enormous lessons, hardships, and lots of love. I missed so many things in this newsletter, such as the fact that I got signed onto a talent agency.  In under 3,000 words , we are still missing the esoteric studies I’ve learned, how the law of attraction works,the large handfuls of people I met across 3 states, and more.

Going into 2019, I anticipate a myriad of blessings, more business pursuits coming full circle, much better credit, much better income and residuals, and so much gratitude, joy, and lessons.  Not to mention, a lot of seed planting and some work. But enjoyable work. I expect and live in gratitude for all the healing that has occurred and will continue to occur as I watch 2019 unfold.  I see modeling, acting, counseling, healthier eating and sleeping patterns, as well as a host of other fun uplifting ventures being attracted into my own reality this upcoming year that enters shortly.

Love and Light to you all!

Happiest of New Years dear travelers.  

P.S.  One last little idea for next time is this: take calculated risks. This alone will stretch you into new territory and expansion.  

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Workin For Free

Don’t do it. 

I did and it’s no fun. 

Today I felt compelled very strongly to touch on this subject. 


A few months ago, back into the summer, I ended up working 10 or so hours -maybe a bit more for a moving/delivery company based out of Los Angeles.  It’s a really crummy company, so I would avoid them anyhow.  

A close friend of mine at the time, had reminded me that we were “probably” going to help his friend move.  Like 3 weeks ago.  He didn’t even have the manners to remind me the day of.  

So, after 10 or so hours of moving people’s furniture, I was roped into moving his friends entire 2 bed apartment into a moving truck.  Guess what? We didn’t get done until 2am. 

And I didn’t earn a dime.  I basically got my ass handed to me for nothing for 6 or so hours. 

First off, I get it- if your friends run a business or a restaurant, you can possibly run discounts on the food, or the books or whatever product your business sells.

But labor in my opinion should never be free. EVER.  It’s disgusting to take advantage of someones time and effort like that.

You can always buy more product to sell in a typical business.  You can’t get lost time back from free labor.   

The biggest bother to me here was that my close (at the time) friend didn’t warn me beforehand, he just showed up after shift, and said “were going to help my friend.”

I didn’t have a ride at the time, so I just assumed it was nice to have a ride.  In hindsight, I could have hopped on the bus and been home with 4 hours to spare.  Needless to say, this situation recently cropped back up in my life again, and I explained why that event hurt my trust in his so much.  That event really took its toll on my trust with this friend.  

Moral of the story: Know yourself, trust your judgement and intuition, and never let someone wrangle you up for free labor. Never.  Volunteerism is one thing, this was a whole different ball park. 



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Insight and Impact

September 7th 2018 


While most people are out enjoying their Friday night at clubs, bars, theaters, pubs, waterfronts, &  musical events- I sit at home. 

I must be so lame you think.  Maybe. 

Or, perhaps  I value my time much differently than a majority of people. 

If I died tomorrow, I certainly don’t want people to know I was wasting my time at a bar or pub getting wasted. I’d be fine if I died stoned though- on marijuana.  The medicinal herb of the gods so to speak. 

Now, back to what I “actually” wanted to write about tonight.  I have this (dumb) tendency to post stuff on Facebook when it would make brilliant blog fodder.   Then I end up regretting it, letting it go, and not hopping on my laptop to actually expand on the aforementioned topic.  

So, without further ado, here’s a sliver of what I recently posted on my personal page, which by the way, you are quite welcome to add me on!

“Once you set aside the story that your fighting or eradicating ego, you stop caring. All is meaningless like the ancient philosopher/magi Solomon wrote.
In that same breath, you are free to assign whatever meaning to life that you want. You choose the things to care about, and find the focus, clarity, and particularly; the patience to care about those things.”

Another huge nugget for you is this: 

“Deep hidden philosophy in Altered Carbon. 
Quoting the female Bancroft :
“I don’t believe in punishment. I believe in reward.”
Imagine if society thought this way?
Or at least people considered it first?”

Let’s break this philosophy down a little bit more. 

Why do we punish people and animals? To stop them from committing a certain behavior.  

Yet, how often are people and animals rewarded for upright, moral, compassionate and charitable behavior? 

NOT OFTEN ENOUGH.  People are ridiculed, laughed at or thought of as “weak.” I find this gross. 

Punishment is a fear tactic.  There is no place for fear in the new age of truth.  Illusions have fallen and the veil continues to be torn at an even more rapid pace than ever. 

Why don’t we start rewarding compassionate and ethical behavior more often? If enough people realized that bad or impure things weren’t rewarded, where would we be?

Oh, and here’s’ the 3rd mind trip for you for today.   Everything bears a fruit.  That fruit is a lesson, no matter how rotten when it falls off the tree, does it make it any less of a fruit? No.  Lessons are lessons, no matter from whence they orginate. 

Mac Miller died at age 26 today.  Cause of death is reported OverDose on drugs of some sort.  I don’t care enough to even look into it.  What struck me as particularly odd is that the media/news outlets had something to say about someones death. Hundreds of people are born and hundreds more die every day.  So explain to me why a mortal is celebrated (through notoriety at best)  by the media?

Why wasn’t his life celebrated? That’s my question?   Why? Because he came into this world as nothing to the institution and the construct of the matrix.  My best assumption is that the military industrial complex basically used him for a time, offered him a contract, he broke it, and was dealt with in their nammer.  The reward was posthumous. 


Amor Vincit Omnia

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Death Isn’t Scary

August 28th 2018 Tuesday

Well, the time has come.  No, I’m not dying. Not by any means.  I simply think it’s time we had a talk about death.

I read this quote  quite recently and it impacted me. 


“Death scares us. And because it scares us, we avoid thinking about it, talking about it, sometimes even acknowledge it, even when it’s happening to someone close to us. Yet, in a bizzare, backwards way, death is the light by which the shadow of all of life’s meaning is measured. Without death, everything would feel inconsequential, all experience arbitrary, all metrics and values suddenly zero.”

~ Manson 

Death and life are polar opposites.  Just like the earth has north and south poles, and as magnets have north and south poles, so too we find that death occurs in nature 10x more often than life.  Death is really the shaping force in our universe and we don’t stop to recognize or give thanks to it.  If people never died, would our lands, oceans, and homes be bursting at the seams with overpopulation? 

Anyway, I have got to run soon, Suri recently asked me to make a Snapchat (lol highschooolers) so I did.  I am BACK and more excited than ever to get back to my website and my blog, which – for better or worse is becoming my journal.  Proud of myself for getting up before 8am despite having been up since 1am.   This unicorn curative is having quite the phenomenal day.   Even got an email from a dispensary up north.  Interview pending for the morrow.  Gotta go.   If you’re ever feeling like you need a dose of unicorn madness, just hit up my twitter or Instagram: @officialdakoda – I do keep things relatively updated and fresh.  

Amor Vincit Omnia 

<3 Dakoda

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The Pressure

As an artist and extreme creative, its always there.


The pressure to conform, to cease creating, to quit being weird.  But it just isn’t going to happen.  This is how I am wired, and it will never cease.  EVER.

My intuition really began to ramp up at about age 17 or so, I’d say.  I was choosing classes for college alongside my mom, and every last thing about it felt foreign, and almost wrong.  I am trying to describe this as best I can with words though so bear with me.  I want to give you an empath or misfits perspective on college.  Also it’s well worth mentioning I was still heavily influenced (read brainwashed or conditioned) by religion and homeschooling.

Anway, this intuitive feeling was a mixed cross between dread, confusion, depression and anxiety.  Top that with resentment, and that’s what was going on in my head and heart during the painfully boring and dry process of choosing college classes for myself.  I had yet to understand that I was a) an introvert, and b) extremely emotional.  I had been raised in a very controlled manner, which led to much emotional repression.  Repression of this was exactly contranarian to my true nature.  So it led to much internal conflict and unspoken  misery.

Who was I to complain though ? The government was paying for a majority of the 2 years I was to spend in this community college, getting further educated.   (I mean indoctrinated.)  I knew instincticly that college wasn’t right, and had read a little bit that successful people (read: wealthy) had dropped out of college or not been.   So that opposition really irked my parents to quite a degree.  As a result, I floundered left and right between 20 or so class choices during those 2 years.  I had a desire to learn so many subjects, that choosing was akin to pulling teeth.  Very painful and distressing indeed for me.  I prefer staying open ended in my plans, which is very typical INFP.

Parental pressure is terrifying.  When they are the ones who provide everything for you, and you know in your heart that college, or any number of things isn’t acceptable to your belief system, you are paralyzed.  You don’t want to disappoint them. Growing up, disappointing my parents was one of the most excruciating things that would happen to me.  That is in no way sarcasm or a joke.  I genuinely hated disappointing them.  These days I still have an aversion to disappointing them, but its not nearly as intense as it once was.

I grew up talking to myself a lot.  More than most I suppose, and I was ridiculed for it.   I was told that it was weird.  And to me, from all the things I had been taught and told- weird was the full equivalent of wrong.  Literally. I thought being weird or off was wrong, and something to be ashamed of.  But it’s not, thankfully.

While I was writing this, I hopped back on Facebook to finish up a religious debate, check twitter, check out a book review of “God is Not Great: how religion poisons everything” by Christopher Hitchens, and checked the french latin origins of the etymology of the word religion.  My mind gets sidetracked far too easily, and rabbit trails into a million different sub topics, no matter where I am or what I”m doing. It’s honestly a bit hilarious at times.  This is just what an INFP does.

The pressure to settle down, its always there.  The pressure to get a great job.   The pressure to stop being so indecisive.  The pressure to fit in.  The pressure to act normal. The pressure to not take alone time for myself.  All these are terrifying to me.  Why?   Because they require me to ignore and push away my true and authentic self.    And I would rather die before settling or casting my genuine self aside. Conformity-is-a-Prison-Rules.jpg

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One Thousand Dreams

That picture above is indeed a jail cell.

I’ve been in one of those.  Thankfully, not for long, but I’ve been in one.  And I literally hadn’t committed a crime when I was arrested.  

Getting arrested when your white, is actually a very weird thing. I was actually near Seattle, so the crime levels are higher than you would suspect, and the racial division is noticeable.  You can say race doesn’t matter, but you would be lying both to me, and yourself.  I don’t let race interfere with my relationships with anyone.  But the blue in badges however have strong opinions depending on your skin color.  

I honestly don’t know what would have happened if I was a different skin color on the morning of my arrest.  And I honestly don’t want to know.  I was asked for my personal documents.  (The license, for “commercial driving” use,  registration (not title mind you), and insurance (which although somehow is mandatory, hundreds and thousands of hard working people cannot afford basic liability insurance and end up driving “illegally,” yet our right to travel upon publicly funded roads, is our Constitutionally protected right.   The GOVCO has it ALL wrong.  What can we do though? 

Anyway, I was then asked to drop my jacket, had my wallet and documents confiscated, was fully patted down, and cuffed.  

What’s actually worse, I had a TON of cash in my wallet from a recent paycheck.  Bonus info on that on the end of this post!

Getting cuffed when you have done nothing wrong, is the weirdest, grossest feeling ever.  Try to picture this.  You feel ill, like you ate something rotten.  Mix that with disgust, fear and confusion.  Then, add to the fact it’s about 6:45AM.  Yes, thats right! I was barely awake!  

Mix that all up, and then get politely tossed into the back of a 2017 Ford Explorer Cruiser Patrol Rig. Hint: ITS NOT COMFORTABLE at ALL! And it was COLD.  Very very cold! No heat, which I”ll take a mighty assumption here and guess that patrol cars in the back have neither A/C or heat. 

The police officer mafia group then made some calls and rolled out, taking me to the detention facility.  Why do I say mafia? Because it was organized exactly like a mafia.  If a private company building’s alarm is tripped by an early rising employee, early for his shift, should that warrant the use of 3 fully equipped Ford Explorer Police Units? Does that make fiscal and man power sense?

I”ll let my readers sort that out for themselves. 

Long story short, I was bailed out.  (Thanks Dad, I still owe you on that one actually.)  

There is a secret to getting bailed out faster , which I will reveal right now.  Always always always carry one thing if you have any possibility or chance of possibly getting arrested for ANYTHING, whether or not it’s your fault.  As the world moves toward a cashless society, cash is still king.  And cash will get you bailed out of jail much, much faster.  Just to be safe, carry about $100.00 USD anytime you plan or think you could possibly get in a legal situation that could get you arrested.  Another alternative to that is the LegalShield app.  It’s $25USD monthly, giving you 24/7 access to a law firm.  There are app shortcuts for creating a will, getting a speeding ticket taken care of with ease, and a host of free legal forms you can access instantly.  

Either option will prevent much of the mistreatment that the local Public Servants (Cops/Police Officers/Badged Gang Members, Badged Mafia Members) will attempt to often pull.  This does not mean I personally dislike cops- many really enjoy thier job to protect the peace and our citizens.  I am actually close to a third through writing a song called “1000 Dreams”, about my experience going to jail.  You will  hear how I describe blue badges in that song, so stay tuned as I will be posting music links in upcoming posts!  


QUIZ: How long do you think I was detained?

A) 4 hours

B) 6 hours

C) 12 hours

D 33 hours


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Escaping Politics

We aren’t escaping.  Not now, not ever.  

Politics in the US today  is an ever developing arena where liars get crowned, the innocent get trampled upon, and the passerby gets grievously taxed.  

But hear me out. I don’t wish to delve into US politics, or any form of nationally discussed politics for that matter.  

Politics as a word first appeared around the 1500’s, roughly translating to “science of government” (preposterous that there would BE such a thing,) or “affairs of state.”  Let’s go with the second definition for now. 

The political notion grips oh so many things in our day to day life.  Let’s consider major corporations for a minute.  They have a president. A vice president, and so on and so forth.  Countries are established upon the same hierarchy.  Thus, we see the state of affairs is clearly visible within major corporations, organizations and the such.  

What about establishments less inclined to be organized hierarchically?  Many of us experience family politics, and even church politics.  I recall growing up in a church, and it was hilarious how much political bickering was involved within the organization itself.  So, if companies, corporations, churches, charities, families, all maintain politicking or state of affairs within their walls, what is a person to do? 

Steer clear of it. 

Don’t’ get me wrong, however.  I have often sat back and dreamed of the power that would come with being the president of a multi billion dollar corporation or the president of an enormous country.  I realized recently, power was not needed, and I would never have it. 

Nonetheless, love people regardless of their perspective.  There is no need to have a leveraged upper hand in any pursuit.  I think the thing that has escaped much of the political grip is art.  Art will never be right or wrong.  Unlike your pastor, father or senatorial chairman, art can’t be punished or corrected.  It just is, and exists as such.  It paints a picture, tells a story, and brings people together.  Politics on all levels and planes is divisive by nature.  How many politicians have you seen holding hands for longer than 3 seconds to shake a hand or seal a deal? How many artists have you seen holding hands or hugging? 

You see, art is a natural community builder.  And renegades, the builders.  Rebels and renegades are truly the ones left to create the needed art, and to start the needed movements that can bring healing and hope to our squashed down population of liberals and conservatives.  Regardless of whether you identify as left or right wing; remember, we are all apart of the same bird.  

So how do we escape politics in every arena? We don’t.

//We can help the artistic renegades build a better, brighter, & more artistic world where the political landscape can be escaped, and art can be ushered in.//



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