Mused at Panera Bread, Capitol Hill, Seattle, WA – USA
Saturday December 29th 2018
We are mere days away from ushering in and welcoming in the new year: 2019.
Personally, I am quite floored by what all has happened. And so grateful for the events that did happen. As my fiance’ keeps saying, 2018 was quite a “dynamic” year.
First, lets run through a really minimalistic outline of what 2018 was, physically & geographically speaking..
Chronologically, this will aid in painting for you a clearer picture of what was going on, and how it directly affected my own personal evolution and growth.
January: Omaha, NE & Denver, CO
February: Denver, CO
March: Denver CO
April: Denver, CO
May: Denver, CO & Tacoma, WA
June: Roy, WA
July: Roy, WA
August: Gig Harbor, WA
September: Gig Harbor, WA & Seattle WA
October: Seattle, WA
November: Seattle, WA
December: Seattle, WA
I actually started 2018 in Omaha with a friend I had met on Facebook. We parted on not the best of terms. It was, looking back, my own insecurities and shadows being projected onto her. This was who I call Boomer, a deeply spiritual and intuitive soul that really triggered a lot of growth in my own life. One of the main issues with January of 2018 was that the path was very unclear and I really lacked purpose and direction. Regardless, I felt that much could be accomplished, I simply did not understand how, or at what capacity.
The last day of January, I booked a one way train ticket to Denver. Quite fateful I’d admit that was. One of the major factors that played into that, was A) it was closer to where I had grown up, and B) I had a few facebook friends that encouraged me to come on over, and stay with them for extremely cheap while I bounced back up onto my feet.
Little did I know, Denver was damn cold. Always bouncing between freezing and 70 degree days. Moved in with a friend of a friend, made many many attempts to be friendly and accommodating, but for some reason, Adrian did not seem to want me around. No matter how hard I tried to be nice. There again, trying is dying. It never works. That’s a huge lesson now ingrained in my heart and mind.
A few weeks later, managed to make friends with some of his friends, and moved in with Isaiah. I will say, if you get a chance to read this, you my friend are a stellar person. You really care about people and I’m very proud of what you are accomplishing. Your grace and generosity is not easily forgotten, so I daresay, when you next manage to make it to the Seattle area, you will be welcome with open arms.
Oh, and a bit of a backtrack, I did land a job selling phones in the north end of Westminster for a season. It left me very broke, but the freedom I was experiencing was nearly priceless.
A few weeks after living at Isaiah’s place, I got a random phone call. Upon answering it, I was stunned to learn that a nearly retired massage therapist had a room for rent, and it was right in my budget. Miracles and manifestations really began to ramp up in February. I moved in there a few days later.. The one person I have to absolutely thank was Aaron, as he wired me some of the rent money up front, as I was still waiting for my first check from the phone sales job. Even this week, he offered to help me further with my website. A true friend and man is he.
Through March and April I sold phones, walked hundreds of miles, learned how to fend for myself in a brand new city, and (little did I know) gain skills that would allow me some measure of success in getting on my feet in Seattle. However, that was so far off the radar of my personal life. If I recall correctly, the longest walk in a day I took was over 26 miles. I was chronically running short of bus money almost every week. The massage therapist, Steve, would on occasion drive me to work or to the bank or bus stops. Most of getting around Denver was busses though. And it was exhilarating. Another fun fact, I haven’t driven a motor vehicle in over a full calendar year. Which is both surprising and shocking to myself, considering I had been driving since I was 17, hundreds of miles per month.
As embarrassing as this is, the main reason I moved back to my parents place for a few months was because I was nearly broke. Selling phones was horribly unlucrative, and managers were dropping like flies, left and right. The company was starting to fall, so I , in my (stupid young foolish) infinite wisdom, put in my two weeks and began a hurried scramble throughout Denver to snag a new job. It didn’t work. As I recall, I was also building a media advertising agency, which literally never profited. I even had a client on the phone, and he simply never did close a ticket with my business partner Avery and I.
Biggest lessons are from failure, right? Anyhow, I booked a one way flight back to Seattle. I arrived mid May, spent a few days smoking a crap load of weed with some old warehouse friends, and finally stumbled home. It really felt like that scene from the western Bible, where the prodigal son stumbles home broke and humiliated. I realize I missed a chunk of this story. I had booked my flight to Omaha without anyone else’s knowledge except maybe 1 other person. I basically took two seperate flights to cover my tracks, and dumped my phone in a trash can in Detroit. How’s that for classic immature James Bond?
Essentially, from the middle of May to the end of July was a whirlwind of emotions and accomplishments, albeit little. I joined an on demand delivery company and worked with them. I took a day and an old Ranger friend to go get the phone, switched carriers, and got my first shift. The thrill was unreal. I was becoming more and more self employed.. (Looking at my taxes, I will probably have a much bigger than anticipated tax return.) I did a lot of gig work for the next 60 days, followed by several weeks of hard labor and construction for my father’s company. I was quite privileged to learn how to run several pieces of heavy equipment.
One morning in the first week of August, I received an out of the blue call from a friend I had made while working in the food service industry. He had an almost unrefusable offer; free rent for a month at his parents home, in exchange for working at one of his dad’s pizza franchises that needed a LOT of help. I agreed, packed my bags up that same day, and left for his place.
The next week I had basically become an expert pizza maker. All the while, I was seeking new employment options, and pining for the day I could have my own place. I had saved up a few thousand dollars, and felt confident, that- should the opportunity arise, I could make the move on my own again, to a new city. I simply needed to land a new job.
Faith played a monumental part here. It is absolutely phenomenal what happens when a person lets ego get out of the way, and trust the universe/god/ and the process. As my perceptions evolved, my intuition actually grew stronger and more seemingly accurate.
September 5th stands out in so many ways to me. It’s the day I signed my first real lease for a place. And coming from a year ago that time, being a full time employed yet homeless person, living out of their car, that moment, for me- was one of awe, gratitude, and invincibility. Truly astounding was that day and moment.
As I know this compilation is growing long, I will do my best to wrap this up quickly.
September through November was a full on whirlwind of catering jobs, food delivery gigs, warehousing gigs, late night pot smoking sessions with neighbors, hating and loving my work, and allowing myself to become excruciatingly distracted by many vices. Alcohol, cigarettes, sex, and things. I was busy though. Too busy. Everyday was a 5 to 15 hour working shift. Which would then be followed by a substance to fall asleep. Habits were erratic. My sleep was erratic. My eating patterns went erratic. Some days I simply was too exhausted to shower at all.
Actually, upon reflection, another soul that really touched me this year was Marshall. I met him online, and he invited me to a trip to Vancouver British Columbia for PRIDE festival. That event triggered some major interpersonal and intrapersonal development and change for me. I was able to open up to the natural fluidity of sexual nature, and embrace the weird quirks about me without hesitation and much less judgement. It was a grand ole time of drinking, eating, celebrating the unique spirit of humanity despite color, race or sexual orientation, alongside a touch of fun cultural immersion. Even as I write, the colors of the sky, the cobblestones of the many streets, the weaving to and fro in between crowds of thousands of people dressed in the most ridiculous and cutest of outfits. I don’t wish to bore you so I shall continue on. Just know, there is a far greater depth in each of these events and memories that I could go on and on about for hours. Just know, that this is available to you, you simply need to ask! I would love to go into further detail about all of this.
And now for what I consider the grand finale and plot twist of 2018. I met my twin flame. I literally met my TWIN FLAME!!!! Miquela entered my life on November 21, 2018. Oh, and while we are on November, just take note: I was extremely “lit” during the last week of October all the way through the 2nd week of November. I had disillusioned myself into believing i was living in the flow. Rather, as I look back in reflection, I was being a tad reckless and foolish.
Anyway, this twin flame thing. I have spent the last 3 years in the ebb and flow of what I call my own awakening. This occured, I believe, because I had started to become more aware of all my own garbage, and learning to love it. Love like this is unheard of. And when it is, it’s usually tagged as crazy, ridiculous, or even “divine.” I for one, firmly believe this woman is a divine gift from the hand of the infinite divine. We are closer after 5 weeks of talking, communicating, and loving each others flaws, than many lovers and best friends are after 5 years. I can simply stay grateful and allow myself to be renewed, refreshed. These last few weeks have thrown me headlong into studying human consciousness, biology, neurology, religion, epigenetics, the subconscious mind, and varying topics of that sort. Even today, as of this writing, I spent less than ten dollars on 3 books from a thrift store that digs into the nitty gritty of the human genome, the concept of consilience, and how emotion, reason and the human brain tie together. As Dr Dispenza talks about, knowledge is the precursor to experience. In my view, knowledge builds a better understanding of a particular language, and I firmly believe the more firm a grip one has on language or concepts within a language the deeper, and more fulfilling that experience or set of experiences can be.
Major lessons from and throughout 2018.
(1) Live every single day in a state of awareness with gratitude at the forefront. Even biologically, Dr Lipton discusses how our biology is designed in such a way that with more gratitude, our lives can physically be prolonged. Reading through many year end newsletters, one of the top sales coaches in the nation actually says this was one of his most important lessons as well. It also signals to the universe at large that gratitude is a internal state of receiving while also literally being a state of giving – all at once. This will change your reality, not a doubt in my mind. Wake up and give thanks for at least 5-7 things in your life, and tell me what starts to happen. If you seek blessings, blessings will start to seek you.
(2) Belief drives behavior. Not in the sense of believing in God or gravity or what have you… But, rather the beliefs you hold about yourself and your surroundings, will almost fully shape your reality. Lipton discusses this much more in depth in his books.
(3) Smile at everyone. This truly raises not only your own frequency and vibrational pattern, but the pattern of the people around you. I noticed how open, how nice, and how amenable people around me have become. Simply by opening the space around you with a smile, you allow the other people around you a reason to feel happy, and to radiate their own internal goodwill into the space you both either share or are about to commence sharing (such as a bus ride.) Smiles are free to give, and you can receive so much in return.
(4) Dress as nicely as you can afford to. People naturally lend respect to people who respect themselves. I, for one, like nice brands, but often don’t see a reason to spend thousands of dollars on high end clothes. So instead, I wear a variety of interesting jewelry, and really play around with vintage clothing and mesh it together to seamlessly create my own look, while keeping the maturity level of the look up to date.
(5) We are quite literally energetic temples and templates of divinity. What goes into us, in a computational sense, is outputted from us. Feed your body and mind healthy things, thoughts and ideas. I personally either watch educational videos, podcasts, or books of my choosing. I increase my knowledge in order to further understanding of myself, my world, and the people around me that can add value to my own narrative, and I- add value to their narrative.
(6) Self care must become a part of your own daily meditation. Taking poor care of yourself signals to the reality around you that since you don’t care much about yourself, you won’t care enough about other people to affect change.
(7) Journal daily. Have an outlet or output from that allows you to create mental space. Whether you are a creative, or you spend more time in the corporate jungle, don’t forget. You must be a full cup inside first before you can fully pour your own ideas and thoughts into your own passions, work, or arts.
(8) Forgive yourself daily. Every day, the old version of you dies a little bit more. Forgive the old version of you for tripping yourself up, for over indulging in things that aren’t healthy for your body or mind.
(9) Find a meditative practice, and practice it daily. Sitting and chanting does not work for everyone as does sitting in complete silence. Meditation works differently for every single person. This has been confirmed fully by science. As the Buddhists teach, every moment of NOW, and every interaction is a chance to practice and be ‘mindfulness.’ I’d recommend 7 minutes and start from there. For 2019, I am setting up a schedule where I have what I call “unplugged” time. I forget who taught me this concept, but I imagine its power is duly understated. Taking 7 minutes out of my day to get out of my own way, and unplug myself as completely as possible from my environment. Even Jim Rohn is quoted hundreds of times daily for having said, “you are the average of the 5 people you associate closest with.” What he refers to, is that energetically, and biologically, you become like your environment. From a brain science angle, I’ve learned that two brains in the same spatial area actually begin to interact with each other and the firing patterns begin to mirror or mimic each other. To know thyself is to know the truer nature of reality. It can be hacked. Here’s how I know why:
(10) Miracles ARE real. There is something almost unexplainable that makes life go round. And tapping into that is what religious people call “faith,” in the unseen. The quantum field of possibility, so on and so forth. Trust the process. Trust God. Trust Allah. On and on and on. I have gotten jobs that I have human way to explain. I have been taken care of in such inexplicable ways. I have been mysteriously guided to meet people and go to places that I otherwise would have never before. I trusted my intuition. Or as many people would say, the “still small voice.” That to me, is the intuition. The inner voice, barely noticeable by most of us with minds and brains full of junk food, lacking water, sleep, love, gratitude, netflix and what have you. As I finish this newsletter about my own 2018, I hope a few things for you all. That you would find the time, create the time as it were, to reflect, be grateful and count the enormous bucket of lessons that found their way into your own reality this year. 2018 truly brought enormous lessons, hardships, and lots of love. I missed so many things in this newsletter, such as the fact that I got signed onto a talent agency. In under 3,000 words , we are still missing the esoteric studies I’ve learned, how the law of attraction works,the large handfuls of people I met across 3 states, and more.
Going into 2019, I anticipate a myriad of blessings, more business pursuits coming full circle, much better credit, much better income and residuals, and so much gratitude, joy, and lessons. Not to mention, a lot of seed planting and some work. But enjoyable work. I expect and live in gratitude for all the healing that has occurred and will continue to occur as I watch 2019 unfold. I see modeling, acting, counseling, healthier eating and sleeping patterns, as well as a host of other fun uplifting ventures being attracted into my own reality this upcoming year that enters shortly.
Love and Light to you all!
Happiest of New Years dear travelers.
P.S. One last little idea for next time is this: take calculated risks. This alone will stretch you into new territory and expansion.